Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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