True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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