I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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