You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
