I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
