Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bring me that man meat
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
