Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
