i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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