I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
