Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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