Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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