You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
