I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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