I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
