Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
