Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize