You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
