You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
