I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
