You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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