I think I won the penis lottery.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
