So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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