youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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