I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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