guys are only as good as the porn they watch
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
