Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
