Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
tell me about the eggs
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