well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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