it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
