the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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