Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
