hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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