yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
