Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
