i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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