You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why do cheetos always look like penises
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
