To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
