we're making bets on your personal life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
