My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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