so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
