It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
