Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
