Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
