what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
