Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
