no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
