I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
