you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
