Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
