if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
