he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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