I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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