butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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