In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
