i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
