she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
