I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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