The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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