Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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