Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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