I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
