Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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