So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
