There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Someone signed my nipple.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
