My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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