Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
