woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
