in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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