as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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