we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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